Where I Am and Why I’m Not Here

I started this blog as a sort of antidote to my political blog.  (Not for those who read my other blog and possibly need an antidote–no, no, not them!  They leave when they’re not happy; I don’t have that luxury.)  This was supposed to be an antidote for me.  A respite, a quiet room, a place to unwind when the going got rough over there in PoliticoLand.

When I came up with the idea for this blog, I was excited about writing anything and everything whenever the mood hit me.  Well, obviously the mood doesn’t hit very often and I’m finding that I really am all alone in this room of my own.  A blog needs activity in order to be seen and this one gets almost none–either from me or from whatever reader happens to come along.

That doesn’t mean I’ll quit it, it simply means that I either have to do more or accept less.  I’ve always hated blogs without substance; those that are only in existence in order to massage an ego.  I think that’s the dilemma I’m finding here.  I have a sneaky feeling this one is evolving into one that has no real theme and thus goes nowhere.   It’s simply about me and whatever I want it to be.  That’s not good enough.


I find myself hobbled here because I wanted this blog to be as apolitical as possible, but I can’t get away from the very real fact that I’m an incorrigible but willing political animal.  I’m passionate about politics and scared to death about where this country is headed.  My anxiety these days is so acute I don’t have time for much else.  I do get out and do other things to take my mind away from what I see as the deliberate destruction of a political system that has served us, if not well, at least adequately, since our constitution was written.  (N0, really, I’m serious.)  But always, when I’m here and I sit down to write, that thought hovers over me and I freeze.

The book I told you I was writing is at a standstill.  My fears for our future have gotten in the way of everything else.  I wanted this space to be the respite, the quiet room I sometimes desperately need, but even  now, as I’m writing this, my stomach is in knots over what happened last week. (What happened last week?  I wrote about it at Ramona’s Voices.  If you would rather stay away from politics, just let it go.  It’s okay.  It’s in that other place miles away from here, and only I am both physically and emotionally attached to it. But I’ll give you a hint:  The Right Wing attack on the sick and the poor.)

There are many things I think about posting here–everyday things, funny things, quirky things–but it’s trivia in the face of what’s happening out there.  My energies are elsewhere right now, but now that I’ve written this out I see what I need to be thinking about and what I have to do to make this a space you all might want to come to now and then.

I’ll be back.  I hope you will be, too.

Sunrise on the bay

Sunrise on our bay a few days ago. If this doesn’t calm me, I don’t know what ever will.


About constantcommoner

Ramona Grigg. Freelancer, blogger, essayist, photographer, dreamer,
This entry was posted in On Writing and Media and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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